First, we want you to know that you matter and that you play a very important role during the loss of a pregnancy. Losing a baby is never easy. You might be confused. You might have tons of questions. You might feel totally lost because you don’t know what to do or how to help. Know this is all normal and things will slowly get better.
Make sure to take some time for yourself. It is important that you are healthy in order for you to support your spouse. Then, talk with your spouse to see how to help her best. She will probably need to talk with you about the experience to help her grieve. She might want you to assist her at her follow up appointments. She may ask for you to call family and friends to break the news so she doesn’t have to continuously relive the experience. She might just need you to hold her and tell her everything will be ok. Be there for her so you both can walk through the grief process successfully.
Understand that the mom will most likely be the one bombarded with questions or even harsh comments. You might be relieved to not have the attention on you or you might be hurt that no one is asking how you are doing. Make sure to remain supportive and help her field those questions/comments in a positive way. People try to express their concerns but they often don’t know how to appropriately respond in this type of situation.
Below we have listed several resources for you to take advantage of through the process of your pregnancy loss. There are not as many resources out there for men like there are for women. At some point, we would like to create more resources for you. In the meantime, I hope the ones we have listed below will be able to support you and comfort you in some way. Please let us know if there is any other way we can support you.
Your heart is broken and your emotions are like a rollercoaster. You lost your baby and nothing else in the world matters. Those are perfectly normal feelings to have and you are definitely not alone in feeling that way.
During a pregnancy loss, a good portion of the attention and concern is directed toward the mother since she is the one who physically endured the loss. With that said, what happens to the father during this time? No matter how strong and brave he might seem, chances are they are also hurting on the inside. Remember, he lost his baby too.
I challenge you to intentionally take time each day to help meet his needs. Ask what you can do for him. If he doesn’t provide an answer, go out of your way to do something thoughtful for him that he would appreciate. Make sure to also talk with him about your needs. Men like to fix things. He won’t truly know how to help you unless you tell him.
Dads Feel the Heartbreak of Miscarriage Too
Dads: Coping with Loss
The Dad Network: Coping with Loss After Miscarriage
Miscarriage Support for Men
Discussion of Men & Women During & After a Loss
Men & Miscarriage
The Art of Manliness-How a Man Handles a Miscarriage
Father’s Day and Baby Loss
Miscarriage: A Guide for Men
*Our Hearts Align has listed a portion of the resources available to you during this time. These resources are not necessarily endorsed by us or align with our beliefs but are provided for you to use at your discretion.